Current:Home > MarketsRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -Ascend Finance Compass
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-16 02:20:02
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (5)
Related
- South Korea's acting president moves to reassure allies, calm markets after Yoon impeachment
- Prosecutors and victim’s family call for the release of a Minnesota man convicted of murder in 2009
- Michael Strahan Shares He's a Grandfather After Daughter Welcomes Son
- How colorful, personalized patches bring joy to young cancer patients
- Most popular books of the week: See what topped USA TODAY's bestselling books list
- Birmingham shaken as search for gunmen who killed 4 intensifies in Alabama
- One of Titan submersible owner’s top officials to testify before the Coast Guard
- Brie Garcia Shares Update on Sister Nikki Garcia Amid Artem Chigvintsev Divorce
- Working Well: When holidays present rude customers, taking breaks and the high road preserve peace
- Gunman who killed 10 at a Colorado supermarket found guilty of murder
Ranking
- The Grammy nominee you need to hear: Esperanza Spalding
- Hello, I’m Johnny Cash’s statue: A monument to the singer is unveiled at the US Capitol
- What we know about the investigations surrounding New York City’s mayor
- The last of 8 escaped bulls from a Massachusetts rodeo is caught on highway
- Federal court filings allege official committed perjury in lawsuit tied to Louisiana grain terminal
- Where Bravo's Craig Conover and Kyle Cooke Stand Today After Seltzer Feud
- Critics say lawmakers watered down California’s lemon car law after secret lobbyist negotiations
- Hurry! Last Day to Save Up to 70% at BoxLunch: $3 Sanrio Gear, $9 Squishmallows, $11 Peanuts Throw & More
Recommendation
FACT FOCUS: Inspector general’s Jan. 6 report misrepresented as proof of FBI setup
Analysis: Verstappen shows his petty side when FIA foolishly punishes him for cursing
Divers search Michigan river after missing janitor’s body parts are found in water
Erik Menendez and Lyle Menendez Tell Their Side of the Story in Netflix Documentary Trailer
$73.5M beach replenishment project starts in January at Jersey Shore
Mick Jagger's girlfriend Melanie Hamrick doesn't 'think about' their 44-year age gap
Eric Stonestreet says 'Modern Family' Mitch and Cam spinoff being rejected was 'hurtful'
University of California accused of labor violations over handling of campus protests